A Triumvirate of Misery: Patriarchy, Tradition, Sexuality

Tradition and Cameroonian Feminism

To recap, we defined tradition in the previous post as  an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior which is handed down by word of mouth or by example, from one generation to another without (necessarily) written instruction, which ensures cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions. 

Let me emphasize, first of all, that I do not think that tradition as a concept is bad. Tradition, like the culture it is a part of, is the means by which one generation  of a society transfers the collective of their learned experiences to another. It is the cultural ship which carries a people through the sometimes perilous waters of life. Tradition is good because it gives people a point of reference for how to deal with new situations and a means of preserving the values they deem worthy. 

For example, it is a tradition in many Western Cameroonian cultures that if a man wants to marry a woman, he does a knock-door. This is a custom  which entails him paying her family a formal visit with members of his family, to introduce himself (and them) formally, express his interests and establish a good relationship between the two families. There are probably deeper shades of meaning to the practice, some of which are not quite kosher, but in basic terms, that is its purpose. The man and woman in question obviously have been engaged in courtship before the knock-door but the practice gives them a chance to formally and publicly declare intent to marry. I find this practice commendable seeing as marriage is more than a union between two individuals. It makes perfect sense to me, for the families to get to know each other, air whatever misgivings they may have and settle any differences before proceeding to unite with each other. This makes even further sense when we consider the way traditional Cameroonian communities are structured. Our definition of the word "family" is very fluid and meanders around to include anyone who can conceivably be associated to the unit. Traditional practices such as knock-doors hence fit well within the context of such associations. By marriage, you just don't acquire "in-laws", they literally become family, so any practice which makes for better communication gets my support.

How does tradition contribute to gender inequalities?

So how then, indeed, does tradition contribute to gender inequalities? Well, if the tradition - the way of thought, action, or behavior - that has been given to us by those who came before us, is one in which the political, economic, cultural and  social  mandate of women is subject to persistent attempts at annihilation(basically patriarchy), what do you think happens? The problem is not in the fact that there are thoughts, actions, or behaviors being handed down from one generation to another. The problem lies in the fact that sometimes, these thoughts, actions, or behaviors that are transmitted are either inherently faulty in and of themselves (Female Genital Mutilation, Twin Killings, Albino sacrifice are examples that come to mind) or they  fail to adjust to the needs, demands and realities of the generation to which they have been transmitted. 

The world is not static. Greek philosopher Heraclitus is thought to have said:

Everything flows and nothing stays.

Everything flows and nothing abides.

Everything gives way and nothing stays fixed.

Everything flows; nothing remains.

All is flux, nothing is stationary.

All is flux, nothing stays still.

All flows, nothing stays.

Heraclitus is also credited with the truism "The only thing that is constant is change."  Tradition, like I said before, gives a people a frame of reference with which to deal with each situation they face, both familiar and unfamiliar. All of this happens in the broader framework of a world that is constantly changing. There is hence need for the people to constantly be engaged in the process of evaluating their traditions to continue to make it applicable to the world they live in, otherwise they will find themselves with traditions that are at complete odds with the world they live in. But isn't that contradictory, you ask? Isn't tradition supposed to be a way to ensure "...cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions." Well I ask you, what is the goal here? To ensure the continuity of the people or the continuity of their tradition/culture? I believe the ultimate goal of any tradition is to preserve the people, keep them and their descendants alive and well in the present and future world. The conditions which dictate how that preservation is carried out, are set by the world - the physical world, as well as the economic, social and political world. The moment a tradition can no longer ensure that preservation, to hold on to it is folly. 

I'll illustrate. In Cameroon, ceremonial cutting is a common practice for healing purposes. Medicine men usually have ceremonial knives or blades,which they use repeatedly and which are supposedly imbued with healing powers. At the height of the HIV/AIDS pandemic in Africa, medicine men were encouraged to ditch their ceremonial implements and use a new blade for each person. The traditional practice had to adjust itself to the physical and social realities of the world or face the spread of a disease that would decimate it's populations. The goal of tradition is to is to preserve the people.

We live in a world where the physical, political, economic, cultural and social climate is one which increasingly demands that the mandate of women to live self-actualized lives be recognized and respected. In many cases today, the survival of the family/community unit is dependent on women being able to bring in income/material goods, live healthy lives, and speak authoritatively on issues that affect them directly. We will be failing ourselves if we do not adjust our traditions accordingly, but continue to allow them propagate a system which strips these women of the ability to do these things.

How do Cameroonian women contribute to promote tradition?

As with patriarchy, the major way in which we contribute to promote tradition, is because we believe in it. This would not be a bad thing, but for the fact that we are not critical enough of our traditions. We follow blindly even when these traditions hurt us. Female Genital Mutilation is a practice carried out by women on other women. Mothers often are the ones encouraging their daughters to be "good girls" so they can find husbands, even though being a "good girl" usually means squashing every bit of ingenuity the girl might have. What compounds this is that an educated/inquisitive mind is best able to be critical and discerning,  so discouraging girls from the path of curiosity only ensures generation after generation of mindless followers.

I can say with absolute certainty that I owe my independent and resourceful spirit to my mother. She comes from a time when women were still more bound by the system of patriarchy, but by word and example, encouraged each of her daughters to not just be educated, but independent thinkers who are able/willing to take care of themselves. I saw proof of this during my more rebellious teenage years when I abandoned the Catholic faith that was the tradition in my family. Now, those who know my mother will know that she is very Catholic. It goes beyond the executive positions she holds in the Catholic Women's Association, my mother is a deeply spiritual person with a sincere belief in the way of Christ and His Church. Having a child turn her back on this faith she holds so dear was definitely a blow to her both at a personal and public level. However, during one of the many conversations I had with her, she said this to me:

"Pretty, I born you but I no make you (I birthed you but I did not create you). You have your life to live. I am more concerned with your personal relationship with God and your safety. Go where you want to go and look for the truth wherever you want. Just don't lose that connection and don't do anything that will put your life in danger."

I am still on that journey, and every time I talk with her she expresses her confidence that I will find my way. For her, it has always been about me the individual and my continued survival, spiritual, physical or otherwise, and not about the preservation of a tradition, the confines of which I clearly had outgrown.

Cameroonian women:  mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, aunts, grandmothers etc need to stop allowing the propagation of traditions, without critically examining them to ascertain whether or not they make for the survival of women in the best possible  state of safety, health and well being. Until then we will remain its victims.

A Triumvirate of Misery: Patriarchy, Tradition, Sexuality

Glenys' question cuts right to the heart of the matter. In order to properly answer her, it is important to define the concepts she talks about.

While I am loath to use Wikipedia as a source, its  definition of Patriarchy is pretty simple and comprehensive, so I'll go with it. Patriarchy is defined as a social system in which males are the primary authority figures central to social organization, occupy roles of political leadership, moral authority and control of property, and where fathers hold authority over women and children. Tradition is defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary as an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior which is handed down by word of mouth or by example, from one generation to another without (necessarily) written instruction and ensures cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions. Sexuality, basically, is the capacity to have erotic/sexual experiences and responses. It entails possession of the structural and functional traits of sex. 

Feminism simply is a way of thinking which tries  to define, establish, and defend equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women (Wikipedia again... these guys do get things right sometimes!). Feminism doesn't aim to prove that women are better than or more than men. It strives to show that women can be just as good as men, in ANY endeavor, so gender should not be a factor for selection. African Feminism (and by extension, Cameroonian Feminism)  takes the general ideology of feminism and tries to make it work within the context of African (Cameroonian) society, with its rich diversity of traditions.

Glenys is right when she states that some of the greatest arguments in African Feminism have been centred on these three issues and at first glance it is easy to see why. However, to create better understanding, we'll explore each issue independently and then see how they relate. So today's discussion will focus on Patriarchy


Patriarchy and Cameroonian Feminism

Patriarchy is THE way of life for most Cameroonian communities. Most of us grew up in households where the male members of the family, starting with the father (or grand father), made all the major decisions, managed the family resources, solved problems etc. There may be influential women, but those women become influential because the men listened to them, their prominence being relative to the men who endorse them and not because they are in and of themselves recognized as worthy of being respected. Going into government and other institutions, it is clear that patriarchy and the resulting male dominance is not just limited to the family.One only has to compare the number of men vs. women in positions of power to know who really runs the country.

How does patriarchy contribute to gender inequalities?

Since patriarchy is a system which elevates the political, economic, cultural and  social  mandate of men, it necessitates or ultimately results in a lessening of the political, economic, cultural and  social  mandate of women. After all,  if there is a leader, there has to be a follower.What does this mean in concrete terms? It means males get education, access to resources, opportunities and decision making power. It means males have a better shot at self actualization, achieving their full potential. It means that if school fee's are limited, the boy gets sent to school even if his sister is clearly smarter and more hardworking than he is. It means, the man gets the job, even if the woman is better qualified and more capable. It means the man's decisions within the family reign supreme, even if his wife may have other (or even better ) ideas. It means that if a husband dies, his brother/uncle/male cousin etc has a control over what happens in his widow and children's lives. It means the boy child is valued more than a girl child, so a woman has failed her husband if she hasn't "produced" him sons (never mind that men are actually genetically responsible for the sex of the child). It means boys/men can basically be whatever they want to be and do what they want. I'm sure we can all think of ways in which patriarchy manifests itself in our daily lives as Cameroonians no matter what village of tribal group we come from.

Many of us were lucky enough to grow up in families where we got sent to school regardless of ability (and that, by the way, is because of the Feminist Movement which has always strongly advocated the education of the girl child), so these examples may not be familiar. There are other ways in which patriarchy rears its head, even for us modern children.

How many of us, despite being highly educated, knowledgeable and accomplished still get dismissed by Cameroonian men as being "just women"? How many of us despite being more responsible and resourceful, face the risk of seeing our parents property and hardwork falling into the hands of male relatives who will likely mismanage/squander it all away or use them for purposes that our parents would never support? How many of us have had to fight for the right to access and control these resources? How many of us have had our mothers completely disinherited and left destitute by our father's family after say, he dies? How many of us face the possibility of having to use "bottom power" to get jobs or promotions, because our brains and ability just don't cut it? (And might I also add, that if we did use that "bottom power" wouldn't we be insulted for getting ahead using bottom power, even though it often is the only choice we have?)

So, you start to get the drift? There is bound to be gender inequality in a patriarchal society because patriarchy is inherently unequal and structured so that males get the advantage.

How do Cameroonian women contribute to promote patriarchy?

The biggest way in which we contribute to this system which is inherently biased against us, is that many of us actually believe that somehow, men deserve to be given pride of place. Patriarchy is so strong an influence in our societies, many of us have internalized the belief and it is uncomfortable to even think of a situation where it is not so. I really need to emphasize again that feminism is not necessarily about proving that women are better than men. The familiar Women's Rights  rallying cry: "What a man can do, a woman can do better!" is a bit misleading as far as I am concerned. For me, feminism says: "What a man can do, a woman can do!" ...and if she proves to be better, then the society should utilize her strengths to the greatest capacity possible for overall advancement. It is about creating a system where the strengths and capabilities that a woman has, are recognized, appreciated, utilized and rewarded fairly. A system where being a woman is not a strike against you, even before you get the chance to show what you can do.

Another way in which Cameroonian women promote patriarchy, is by continuing to depend on the patriarchal system. I have nothing against women who choose to be dependent on men, or as I have heard some one put it: "be under men." A core tenet in feminism is that the woman retains the right to choose how she wants to live her life.  

If literally and/or figuratively under a man is where she wants to be, good for her. If you have the opportunity to pursue independence but choose to make yourself dependent on someone, then you put the direction your life takes at this person's whims and caprices. As with every decision there are rewards and consequences and both of them will be yours to bear. We also, promote patriarchy when we judge each other's accomplishments not based on what we have achieved as individuals but on things like marriage. In so doing, we're setting a husband up as a prize to be won, over any other accomplishment in life, without which a woman is incomplete. We promote patriarchy when we raise children in such a way that boys end up thinking they are better than girls and girls think they have to defer to boys. When we encourage independence, curiosity, excellence,leadership and confidence in boys but discourage it in girls (for example, "if you  over go far for book/work, you no go find massa"), we promote patriarchy. I'm sure we can think of  other ways in which we contribute to promoting a system where women take the back seat.

Now, am I asking that Cameroonian girls no longer listen to their fathers or the adult males in their families? Am I asking that women no longer listen to their husbands? Am I asking Cameroonian women to hate men? No. Emphatically, no. What I am doing, is asking Cameroonian women and men, to move away from a system which devalues women's opinions, contributions and abilities for no other reason than the fact that they are women. Perhaps in the days when the continued survival of a community depended on the strength and speed that men have (by virtue of a natural predisposition to denser muscle mass), and on the availability of individuals to nurture and raise the young (which women took since they bear the children and are the primary focus of the child's initial attachment mechanism), patriarchal type systems were needed. We are moving into a future where success in life is going to be more dependent on intellectual prowess, adaptability and ability to cooperate with others. In that regard, both men and women operate on a continuum which ranges from equal ability to unique strengths and weaknesses which can and should be leveraged to suit the occasion.

I'll stop here. Feel free to use the Facebook comments sections to carry on the discussion. I'll delve into Tradition tomorrow.

Thank you!

Helen Nde